I have chosen pretending over being.
Without obeying the preexisting notion of cause and effect, these elements become closely knit together, circumstantially succeeding in the (un)creation of the most intricate set of connections made from the leftovers I refer to as “myself.”
If you believe in me, I exist.
If you do not believe in me, I do not exist.
In order to reshape personal fears and shame of sexuality there needs to be a recontextualized way of dealing with the matter at hand. I am constantly choosing to be unavailable and distant, so I exploit my pain by making it accessible to myself and others in a reformatted version of its original form. Using text. Using clay. Using a knife. Using nail polish. Using my body.
I will become available for sex.
I will become available for myself.
I will be submissive and I will be dominant.
I am here to receive pleasure from my pain.
I will not succumb to anyone but myself.
Taking from nowhere and giving to no one but myself. I will be bigger than life.
“CUM LAUDE(R): ON BECOMING
THE ULTIMATE FAGGOT”, November 2021
In four parts, this (ongoing)project speaks about my personal experience as a queer person, dealing with imposed external/internal shame, fears surrounding sexuality and expression, hidden desires and elements of different variations of trauma I have been experiencing throughout my life.
To think about shame is something I have been avoiding.
To speak about shame is something I have been avoiding.
To feel shame is something I have been avoiding.
To face shame is something I have been avoiding.
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